


An Unlikely Story

by elaine



Category: due South
Genre: Humor, M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-01-30
Updated: 2000-01-30
Packaged: 2018-11-10 20:04:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11133762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elaine/pseuds/elaine
Summary: An Alternate Universe? A shaggy dog story? Or maybe it's all true... you decide.





	An Unlikely Story

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

 

It's dark, really dark in this corner of Chicago, and I figure I'd better keep one eye out for muggers as I park the GTO. The other eye can stay right where it is, on my big beautiful Mountie in the passenger seat. I'd rather be keeping an eye on him from a much closer, and preferably horizontal position, but he was determined to drag me out here.  
  
I sigh and turn in my seat to face him. "So what is it you hafta tell me? Can't it wait?"  
  
"No Ray." His face is dead serious. "I feel that, due to the nature of our relationship… I mean the time has come to… well, I think I  _should_  tell you, Ray… that… that I…"  
  
"Look. If you gotta tell me, then  _tell_  me. Spit it out." I grin at him. "We're wasting good make out time here."  
  
"Oh! Well…" He straightens his bit of white string he wears around his neck and stares me in the eye. "I first came to Chicago on the…"  
  
He stops as I groan. "Not you too. What is it with you Mounties? Why do people go around killing your fathers, for chrissakes?"  
  
"No, no…you misunderstand me, Ray." He smiles nervously and pulls on the string again. "Constable  _Fraser's_  father was killed, not mine. In fact I don't…" he hesitates and obviously decides to drop it. "Well, as I was saying Ray, I first came to Chicago on the run from a band of renegade aliens. And for…"  
  
"Aliens?" Did I hear that right? "You mean illegal immigrants? Why the Hell…"  
  
"Ray, if you're going to keep interrupting me, this is going to take a very long time." He gives me a stern look. "As a matter of fact I meant extra terrestrials. Aliens." He takes a deep breath. "I am an alien, Ray."  
  
Okay, so he's said some weird things before, but nothing this weird. I look at him closely, but I can never tell when he's serious or when he's teasing me. He does that sometimes; more often than most people realize. So I decide to play it cool.  
  
"You mean like Spock? You ain't got pointy ears." And his complic… consti… his  _skin_ -color's kinda pink, if anything. "You don't  _look_  alien."  
  
"Why, thank you, Ray." He gives me a big smile. I don't know whether it's because I'm acting like I believe him, or because I said he don't look like an alien. "Of course before I came to Chicago…"  
  
I can't resist "…on the run from a band of renegade aliens…"  
  
He sighs. "… _before_  I came to Chicago, I underwent extensive body forming. I'm glad that you find it convincing."  
  
"So are you saying that if I cut you, or something, you'd have green blood?" Maybe I can make him prove it somehow. "Or you got two hearts like Dr Who?"  
  
"Well, that wouldn't be very convincing, now would it Ray?" He looks at me patiently, like a teacher with a really dumb student. "The body forming was done at the cellular level. It's really quite an interesting process… you see…"  
  
"Uh, if it involves blood and stuff, I don't think I wanna know." I watch as he subsides. "So you got no way to prove that you're not human."  
  
"No, Ray, I'm afraid not. But given the xenophobic nature of your human society, that's probably just as well, don't you think?" He gives me a superior kind of smile while I wonder what zeni… zena-whatever… means. "And my blood was purple. Before the body forming, that is."  
  
"Purple?" For some reason this makes me almost believe him. "So you don't look anything like human? In your real body?"  
  
"Well, we do stand upright, but the average height is a little under three feet."   
  
"You don't  _have_  three feet do you?" I grin at him, pleased with my joke. This is kinda creepy considering how dark it is outside the car. "Or a tail and fangs?"  
  
"Just a short tail, Ray. And our teeth, while rather pointed compared to yours, could hardly be described as fangs." He comes out with it so calmly.  
  
"Geez, it kinda sounds like…"  
  
"Lizards, Ray." He nods. "They would be the closest Earth counterpart to my species."  
  
Ugh. "You mean you got scales? I hate scales." What am I saying? This is crazy.  
  
"Only vestigial ones, Ray. You'd hardly notice them. It would seem like a slight roughness of the skin." He pats my arm soothingly.  
  
I decide it's time to end this. "That's creepy, Renny. I dunno if I could go for a guy with scales. Not even vestid… whatever…"  
  
It doesn't faze him at all. "But I don't have scales now. In fact I'm very fond of this body." He leans towards me but I back off a bit, determined to play it cool. He's gonna hafta do better after yanking my chain this way.   
  
"You are huh? I guess I kinda like it too." Yeah, that's  _really_  cool, if you don't hear the way I say it. "But those scales… I mean, I don't think I could stop thinking about them, you know?"  
  
He leans back and I can breathe again. "Oh dear. That's very unfortunate, Ray, because what I most like about this body is having a penis. It would be an awful waste if I couldn't use it."  
  
I choke. I can't help it. I sure didn't see that one coming. "You're a  _girl_  alien?"  
  
"Oh no, Ray." For some reason this puts him out. He stumbles for a few words before he calms down. "No, no, not at all… my species reproduce asexually. So I suppose we would be considered, um… neuter."  
  
Now it's my turn to get flustered. I don't like that word. It's one of those guy things. "So you never had sex before me?"  
  
"No, Ray." His eyes gleam. "And I really think that, from both an evolutionary and a personal perspective, my species definitely made a wrong turning at some point."  
  
"I'd hafta agree with ya there, Renny." I decide I've had enough of this. I wanna go home and fuck his brains out. "So you're an alien. Okay. I'm broad-minded. I can deal with that. But why are yer telling me this, huh?"  
  
"Well, Ray as I said… before I came to Chicago…"  
  
"…on the run from a band of renegade aliens." I grin. "And for reasons that don't need exploring at this juncture…"  
  
"Actually, Ray, I think we  _should_  explore those reasons. You see…" he sighed and his eyes kinda slid away from mine. "Well, in order to carry out the body forming, I needed some genetic material."  
  
"Genetic what?" I don't like the sound of this. Or the way he won't look at me.  
  
"Cells, Ray. Human cells to use as a basis for the body forming." He fiddled with the bottom of his red tunic.  
  
"Geez, you didn't kill anyone did ya? That's not very Mountie-like." For a moment I'm sucked in again, then I figure the angles. Maybe we can go home and play cop and robber. I got a spare pair of handcuffs in my bedroom. I give him a sexy grin. "I'm gonna hafta arrest ya, if ya did."  
  
"No, of course not Ray." He looks shocked. "But unfortunately the cells came from a member of the Canadian Mafia."  
  
"So what? They ain't gonna send a hit man after you to get 'em back are they?"  
  
My joke falls flat. "No, of course not. But you see, because I used Mr Laurier's DNA, I… uh well, I…"  
  
The penny drops. "You look exactly like a member of the Mob?" Now,  _that's_  hysterical. I can't stop laughing, even if I'm still not sure he isn't trying on some complicated shaggy dog story.  
  
"But Ray, that's not all." He looks at me real serious with those big blue eyes and I can't help going all weak inside. "After I arrived in Chicago…"  
  
"…on the run from…"  
  
He puts his hand over my mouth and looks pitiful. "Please, Ray." He takes his hand away. "I needed to leave Canada, because of the danger of being uncovered. If someone who knew Mr Laurier should see me, I mean. But when I got to Chicago, I discovered that Constable Fraser and Detective Vecchio had once arrested Mr Laurier."  
  
I still don't believe a word of it. At least I don't think I do. But I can't help being interested. "So what did ya do?"  
  
"Well, I did a modified mind wipe on them, Ray."  
  
My jaw drops. "A… you did a  _what_?"  
  
"I know." He hangs his head. "I'm so ashamed, but at the time it seemed like the only possible solution."  
  
"You wiped Fraser's mind? And Vecchio's?" He's definitely been watching too many SF movies.   
  
He looks horrified. "Only the memories that related to Mr Laurier, Ray. Anything further would have been completely unethical."  
  
"Oh, a  _modified_  mind wipe. I guess that makes it okay, then." He misreads the sarcasm and looks like he's ready to burst into tears.  
  
"I know. There's no excuse at all. I realize that now."  
  
I can't resist that miserable little boy look and reach over to touch his cheek. "No, really. You did what you had to. I understand that."  
  
"Do you, Ray? Do you really?" He revives straight away and smiles at me. "I was very careful. I made sure to only erase the memories of Mr Laurier."  
  
"Sure I do." I'd have said anything to get that miserable look off of his face. "Anyway, Fraser's okay, isn't he? So what are ya worrying about?"   
  
"I'm so glad to hear that Ray." He looks out the side window for a moment. "You see, I…"  
  
I hate to see him look all worried like that. "…first came to Chicago on the run from a band of renegade aliens. And…"  
  
He smiles and joins in, "…for reasons that… well, actually, Ray we have explored them. Most of them, anyway."  
  
"…you have remained attached as liaison…"  
  
"No, Ray, I'm an assistant to the deputy liaison…" he leans forward and kisses me. Then he trails kisses along my jaw and his tongue kinda flickers over my earlobe and I think of lizards.  
  
Suddenly, I'm well and truly on my own side of the car and he's looking at me like a kid who's had his candy snatched away from him.  
  
"Uh…" I try to think of something to say, and finally I see the hole in his story. "So why didn't you just go somewhere else? Another consulate? In Latvia, or someplace like that?"  
  
"I thought about it, Ray." He looks at me doubtfully. "Especially when Detective Vecchio went undercover with the Mob. There was always the chance that he might meet Mr Laurier and his memories might return."  
  
He's not supposed to know about where Vecchio is, but I ain't gonna ask. "They can do that?"  
  
"Oh yes, under the right circumstances. But there was one overwhelming reason why I decided to stay." He droops his eyelids. And, oh boy, he looks so damn sexy when he does that. "You, Ray…"  
  
"Me?" My voice squeaks. "You stayed because of me?"   
  
"You, Ray." He reaches for me and maybe he's doing some kind of mind control thing, 'cause I go without a second thought.  
  
We get into a bout of heavy breathing and some serious tongue dancing, and this time when I think of lizards, I just push the thought away.  
  
After a while I slide free of him and we stare at each other. "I'm kinda…" I swallow the lump in my throat, "…kinda glad you decided to stay."  
  
"So am I, Ray." He starts to smile then it changes to a frown. "And Ray? About the scales…"  
  
I decide I gotta get us outta here before I really start believing him. It's the dark, maybe. It gives me weird ideas. I start up the engine and put 'er into gear. "I don't care about the scales. You wanna go home and fuck?"  
  
"Oh  _yes_ , Ray. Please." He's all smiles now, which is all I care about.  
  
"And you won't do no mind wipe on me." Well, I wanna make sure my ass is covered. I still don't believe him, but I don't wanna wake up with him standing over me with a power drill or somethin' either.  
  
"No, Ray. I promise."   
  
"Okay." It's late, no cars on the road out here. But this is Chicago and it ain't long before we come on a red light. I stop because he'll tell me off if I run it. He's worse than Fraser that way. While we're waiting I think about Renny, and the Consulate and all the weird things that happen there. It's like some kind of Canadian Twilight Zone. And Fraser… well, there's been times I wondered what planet  _he_  came from too.  _And_  the Ice Queen… even Dief ain't no normal wolf. Not that I've ever met a wolf, but he sure ain't normal. I mean…  _lip_  reading?  
  
I look at Renny and he's happily humming some C&W kinda song. "Hey Renny… you don't think Fraser could be… um…" He looks up at me. "Oh, forget it. I don't wanna know."  
  
"All right, Ray." After a moment he breaks into song. " _Sometimes it's hard to be a Mountie…_ " he stares at me soulfully, " _giving all your love to just one man_."  
  
To Hell with the red light. I wanna get home and start fucking his brains out right  _now_ , scales or no scales. I put the GTO into gear and my foot to the floor.


End file.
